Truth and Dare

“Our idea of happiness can prevent us from actually being happy. We fail to see the opportunity for joy that is right in front of us when we are caught in a belief that happiness should take a particular form.”

- Thich Nhat Hanh, ‘Teachings on Love’

The notion of a soulmate has always fascinated, yet repeatedly failed to convince me. Maybe it’s the cynic in me that surfaces more often than not, which persuades me to believe that people who are waiting for one, are simply living in some kind of fool’s paradise where spring blossoms eternal and the rain brings forth arched colours, not the mud that stains or the acid that corrodes.

So what is it about a soulmate that charms us to such a vast extent? I wonder, for I am yet to see a real person match the enchantment of the illusion.

Perhaps the idea arises from the superficially nonchalant yet inwardly desperate craving for happy endings. And maybe, its strength lies in the enigmatic unknown. Then again, maybe it’s quite simply the result of the culmination of all our secret yearnings, projected onto that one person, who we know, with the unwavering faith of a believer, will be everything we’ve ever wanted, to make us feel complete. Who will, in effect, grant us our ‘happily ever after’.

What then of happiness...that ephemeral, elusive butterfly that seems to flutter awhile in thoughtful circles before it finally alights on our shoulder, only to fly away faster than we can reach out and touch it? Why do we seem so naturally predisposed to linking our happiness to the discovery of this equally elusive person...the one we label soulmate? And how can happiness such as this, that is so contingent on another person, find a way to stay?

So maybe I don’t believe in the idea of an ‘other half’ to one’s soul, and maybe I prefer the idea of two people who enhance, rather than complement, or even complete each other. Maybe I'd rather acknowledge that happiness lies more in our own conviction that we are loved, and wanted for who we are, by someone, by anyone, rather than in laying and risking the burden of this feeling on one person’s fragile shoulders and calling them our soulmate.

I, however, lend my heart to the undying optimism of those who believe in finding their twin soul, because I think that it is this, their unshaken belief in the veiled but definite presence of their very own someone, that keeps people going, long after all the reasons why they should, have ended.

And maybe it is this conviction...of a soulmate, waiting for us somewhere down time and space, which sustains us and gives us reason for hope in our perfectly imperfect lives.

it's Complicated!

A friend called this morning, simply wanting to know if it was worth all the pain, the ‘it’ implying love. This was the same someone who’d called three days earlier to tell me she was on top of the world, thanks to a certain someone. And then another friend tells me that she’s done being alone, that she’d give anything to meet her special someone now.

So what do I tell her? Do I give her the assurance she yearns for, and say that in time, things will be alright? Or do I tell her, rather heartlessly, that fairy tales and happily ever afters are quite simply that - make-believe stories. And do I tell the other, the same thing?

From the time we were little, we’ve heard and read fairy tales, with the same saccharine ending to them all, and nursed dreams of a prince charming sweeping us off our feet and carrying us off into the land of eternal happiness. And then one day, ‘life’ happens…and we grow up.

So what happens to those fairy tales and the happy endings we’ve always carried in our minds? The love we’ve secretly, desperately craved for in our hearts? Do they die a natural death or have their life beaten out of them? Or, is it hard to let go of that dream because there’s this tiny ray of hope that keeps it alive?

Maybe we really need to mark, learn and inwardly digest the fact that being alone doesn’t necessarily translate to being lonely, but at the same time realize that personal spaces, though closely guarded, need to be invaded every once in a while, for our own good.

Maybe at the end of the day, it’s simply enough to know that love turns up in the most unexpected places, and looking for it will only make the wait more cumbersome, and the heart more restless. That the fairy tale may not follow the same storyboard as in the classics, and that the knight in shining armour may need to be traded for an ordinary looking guy in ratty tees and scruffy jeans. And that the happily ever after ceases to be important in the light of happiness now, in this moment.

And whether love is worth the pain…maybe every story is a fairy tale in its own right, and whether it ends well, or doesn’t, is simply a matter of perspective.

The real question however, is this. When we have found the person we are seeking, how do we know for sure, before it’s too late? Maybe we don’t. Maybe we never will. And therein lies the tragedy of it all.